love,  relationships

How to get over a break-up (when there are no second chances)

I am quite a non-believer of the quote “Love is sweeter the second time around”. Why though? Because second chances are not for everyone. Because sometimes, there are no next times. Because sometimes you’ve only got one shot with that someone.

Live life as if there were no second chances
Credit to the owner: suetoyou.com

When we can’t accept the fact that it’s all over, we feel pressure, pain, fear, and stress. We’d most likely reminisce on those times when we were happy before. I have to say that not every day is happy, guys, not every day you will feel loved. Actually, in romantic relationships, even before you enter one, you have to be prepared that you would get hurt. Love is risky but love is always the answer. Why? Because even if it hurts, we still keep coming back for more. Because in reality, in every situation, love mends broken hearts. And that what makes moving on so hard. Coz’ in your mindset, you know that the person who can make you unlonely is the person who hurt you.

So, the truth is, not everyone does get second chances. And if you’re one of those who didn’t get accepted again, here are some tips on how you could move on, help you change your heart, and open your eyes to things that are offered right in front of you:

1. Accept the current situation – that you’ve broken up

Accept and feel the pain. I mean, how do you even accept that the person you’ve been with for years and was with you all the time broke up with you? I’m sure that would be hard. Even I don’t know the answer! But what I’ve learned is pain has a purpose and moving on is a choice. Maybe to start, try not feeling too hurt about it. Remember that person is not your reason to live. You have lived even before you were with him/her. Try to accept that maybe the relationship was not meant to be. I know it may take years to truly heal but that’s OK as long as you’re starting the process. It will pass and you’ll realize that things happen so you can grow from it, so you can free yourself and hold on to someone that would make your heart whole again. Instead of being stuck, focus on your goal and that is to move on. At the end of the day, we cannot force someone to love us.

2. Delete your photos, yes or no?

It could be normal to delete photos of your ex but it still depends on the breakup.

No: Some won’t waste the effort of deleting photos especially if they’re a  collection of 5 years of being together. Why delete a part of your life? Why delete the photos when memories can’t be erased? Those were some good times spent with a person that has been a part of your life.

Yes: If these photos/memories make you feel lost, sad, and reminisce on your past, thus halts you from moving on, you need to get rid of those. These pictures may remind you of the good things that had happened between you and your ex. If this will lead you to constantly thinking of the past and bringing it back (which might not happen in the meantime), that could cause anxiety or even depression.

You may want to check this: Simple Tips to Manage Anxiety

The past can't hurt you anymore, not unless you let it
Credit to the owner: quotefancy.com

You may have deleted or not deleted your old photos together but I think the most important thing to do is to not look back too often on the past, but only take a glimpse once in a while to remember that you’ve done your best to survive the dark moments that you have experienced.

3. Don’t communicate

This includes not scrolling back your inbox and reading the past sweet messages with your ex. Don’t communicate and tell yourself that you’re just making friends. It won’t be healthy to communicate if you’re moving on. I mean, the relationship is done, I don’t see the point.

4. Pamper yourself

After giving out some love to that wrong person, it would be nice to recharge and give yourself the love you deserve. Go to a spa, treat yourself a delicious meal after a nice movie, try a new haircut, do fun things, do whatever you want that makes you happy! Not only pamper yourself externally but really look into yourself. Heal internally by practicing self-love and positivity.

5. Ask for support

Ask for the support of your family and friends. Find someone you trust to talk about your problems and ask for advice. We are not perfect individuals. Sometimes we need others’ opinions to somehow rethink if our decisions are correct. But it still should be up to us. Our decisions are powerful. It affects what will happen next, where would we be next. Though there are people around us that could help, we still have to trust our gut only and choose our own decisions in life.

P.S. I’ve made a mistake of following “other’s” gut feeling and didn’t think through it. Those decisions made me miserable. I’ve faced the consequences and I’ve learned my lesson already.

 

We all have struggled on moving on. But remember that we don’t have to stay in that situation anymore by making the right decision. Let’s not stay stuck. Let’s not fear that we cannot forget the people who hurt us. Let’s let go of the past. I’m sure there’s still a lot of love left within us that we could give to those who truly matter. Always remember, life is beautiful.

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